I would like to have an impact on the world. I would like to look back on my life and see how I made a difference. A big difference in helping shift our world to be more kind and collaborative. To aid in healing people who will then heal the planet including nature and our communities. To have countries less focused on war and more focused on healing, on working together so that we all feel safe and have space to be ourselves.
No small goals for me. How far am I in this lofty goal? No where.
It’s depressing to look around and feel the helplessness when faced with these overwhelming tasks. I don’t know the steps to even make a small difference in helping the planet and people to heal. I don’t have the technical skills to be in a healing industry.
I teach accounting. That is not particularly healing.
I was reading a piece again using a prompt to imagine myself on my deathbed and answer the question “How is the world better because I lived in it”.
As I sit with that and imagine how I want to feel in that moment. I think I actually want to feel a sense of peace with how acted in my everyday interactions. Those are the most powerful in my immediate environment. Maybe I can’t or won’t be able to change the big world. But I can change my small world. I can focus on making the people I come into contact with everyday feel heard and valued in some way.
I’ve read all this before. Maybe I wasn’t ready to hear the message? I’m not sure what it is. How this shift never occurred before within me. I thought I was getting all the messages of how to bring more fulfillment and purpose to my life. But I’m realizing I was stuck on these things being external goals. Steps I would follow and work my way towards these goals.
I seemed to always be spinning my wheels. I have a good job, two kids, and a marriage. Check, check, check. But fulfillment and purpose? Not so much.
I can’t will those into place without looking inside. Doing the work to heal my own disconnection. I need to make myself feel heard not to the world outside me but for myself.
When I look back on my life, I want to look back on a life that I lived with a sense of kindness and connection that I felt within and shared with my small world to change this world a little at a time. That this could be enough.