Life Lived

What makes a meaningful life?  How do we find meaning in the world, how do I find meaning in a vastness that can seem so isolating and unwelcoming?  How do some people seem to know from very young their direction, calling, and path that they chose.  That path may not always be straight and may be bumpy but it is a clear path.  Then there are those that can’t find a path or the path never seems right.  Is it not seeing what is right in front of me?  That maybe the path is there but I don’t have the faith or the perception to know it.  I have been trying to find meaning, searching in books, websites and all around me about how to be healthier and self help books that tell me I can find meaning and improve my life.  Meaning is not found in those books or websites.

They mean well.  Finding values, finding my passion, increasing productivity, learning positivity, and finding the fear and doing in anyway are all written with great intentions.  Intentions that you and I can learn from. But they don’t give us the key to meaning.  Why has it taken so long for me to figure that out?

Meaning is in the mundane.  The first time I heard this I thought what they heck is that?! That can’t be it.  Meaning has to be something powerful.  An epiphany that will come to me in a great flash of light and insight.  A great calling that is grand and of course obvious in it’s grandness.

I realize now it’s actually really small.  It’s morning hugs with my kids, getting the bowls of cheerios and bananas, packing backpacks, driving to work, working, making dinner, the other thousands of minutia of the day.

Meaning is that life is not always easy or positive and can be downright sad and heart breaking.  It’s living those moments and learning to see them with the eyes knowing time here is limited.  That maybe a morning hug and kiss may be the last.  We can’t live exactly like everyday is a last day.  Otherwise many days of work would not be done!  But being more present in the moments and seeing them as the integral pieces of a life lived.

Does it mean that I now wake up everyday filled knowing that I can stop searching?  No.  It seems so hard to see these small moments in their glory to not want there to be something big that I still need to be driving myself towards.

I still feel a deep yearning that I have much more meaning to to discover in this life.  But the work needs to be more internal.  I can read but not with the goal of finding the answers out of me but in order  to know that we all journey together.  It’s not someone else’s answer that I need but a way into my own answer.