Did you know there is no magic bullet?
- no secret to success
- no short cut
I searched for a long time to find the article, magazine, book, blog, guru that would have the magical answer to the restlessness. to magically wake up and only crave salad. to be laser focused and productive. to find my one purpose in life. to feel confident and not worry what everyone else was thinking. to feel happy and content.
The answer was out there, I just needed to keep searching. Reading, watching shows, taking a class. The answer had to be out there somewhere. somehow I just couldn’t find this thing that was the answer to my longing for connection to myself, to being healthier and to feeling connected to others. where for so long I felt none. a sense of emptiness, inescapable.
Nothing I read, and searched for was the answer. I couldn’t take the outside answers and seem to bring them in. These were great books, excellent writers and wonderful, wise people. Why couldn’t I make my life better as each book and blog gave me tools, suggestions, tips and tricks to use. I had lots of pre-kid time in my 20’s and 30’s to exercise, meditate, read, and sleep.
It is cliche of course. the answer is in not out. I didn’t do all the tips, exercises, and tools. why? I don’t know. maybe somewhere within I didn’t believe that they would really make a difference. somehow i had a fundamental flaw that blocked me from achieving what i desired. it felt empty and nothing I read, did, or wished for could fill it up. It is not fillable from the outside.
I realize now I first needed to believe. believe that i had the ability to change. believe in my own voice. believe i can find enjoyment in my path.
Why did it take so long? There are those great teachers and guides out there that teach this truth. that we must start inward first. maybe it just took me this long on my journey of growth to really take this in. I let the distractions rule me for far too long.
i’m not sure what my path is, my role and where i’m going but more than ever before I feel like i’m stepping in the right direction. wherever that may lead.